Spiced Wine

Today is 4dpo or 3dpiui and I’m pretty sure time has ground to a complete halt. I am not sure how I will make it through the next 10/11 days…

In other news it was snowing today, enough to stick on the ground for only the second time this winter. I celebrated by experiment with a new spiced wine recipe I found online – it was delish and smells even better – while burning my pine candle. Made us some tastey green bean casserole and honey mustard chicken for dinner which was perfect cold weather food. We even hauled my MIL up out of her apartment to eat in the living room and we watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer over dinner.

I’m not decorating this year. Not even a bit. My MIL was pestering me in the subtle way she does the other day about putting up a tree and bringing out the decorations. I flat out replied “what’s the point, no one is coming to our house, we’re the only ones who will see it, and then I just have to clean it up.” lucky for me she’s still got a broken arm and is somewhat confined to her efficiency apartment in the basement or I’m sure she’d be decorating for me. Since she had the handyman haul three things upstairs already I told Hubbin she’s more than welcomed to decorate her own area but I’m taking whatever she dumps up in the living room as an indication she doesn’t want it and it’s okay for me to just move it on our to the curb at the end of the season.

The thing is 95% of our Christmas decorations are hers from her house that she dumped at our house when we moved in when she was cleaning out her attic. And like I said to my mom “I know I’ve not been all into decorating but I’d kind of like next year when I just have ONE job and my bank account isn’t close to empty – to pick out my OWN decorations, things I like, to decorate my house” not random stuff from someone else’s house. Plus I’ve been totally inspired by pinterest. — well, this post started out all festive but now I sound like quite a scrooge. Anyway, if you need some old Christmas decorations I’ve got 4 bins in the garage.

Tacky

I don’t know how I keep getting roped into weddings. Please note, before you ask me to be a bridesmaid even though I may like you, I’m not a fan of being a bridesmaid or all that it entails. I just flat out don’t think most things involved in weddings are even important. Bridal shower themes? Centerpiece themes? Seriously just put some candles on the table and call it a day. I don’t like group projects in school and I don’t like group projects in my personal life… a bridal shower is essentially a big group project.

Note: DOES NOT WORK WELL WITH OTHERS.

A certain female close to me is getting married in the spring… and there has been a flurry of emails between bridesmaids over the last two weeks. We have 1 bridesmaid who is superenthusiastic and I’m sure you’re thinking “just let her roll with it then” which is what I thought at first too but her first entirely too long email listed about 10 games she wants us to play at the shower. There are way too many people being invited to this shower to make some of these feasible, plus I know I am not alone saying I don’t like having to ‘think’ when I’m a party guest. I don’t like taking pop quizes, playing word games or competing with other people for prizes. My biggest issue though is that she wants us all to make gift baskets and then for the party guests to guess how much we spent on them. I just think that’s tacky.

One other bridesmaid did write her back and was essentially like “I’m not really a fan of organized games” yadda yadda yadda… And the report from the bride was now the superenthusiastic one thinks someone doesn’t ‘like her’ and the bride wants her to apologize. Unfortunately I think everyone agrees with the one who isn’t a fan of games. After said apology we got another long email about the basket game again. I spent like an hour today composing a reply email that attempted to say “TACKY! & lets not include it” without saying tacky. So we’ll see if she A: gets the hint or B: I’m expected to apologise – I’ll keep you posted.

~~~

As a side note I might also think you’re tacky if you post pictures of your naked baby bump on facebook. Anyone who wants to take such shots for their private collection should go right ahead. While they may be excited that you’re expecting, I don’t think 200 of your less than close friends on facebook want to see your naked abdomen. We make the distinction between ‘friends’ and ‘facebook friends’ for a reason. True, I could just be jealous… but I generally think most everyone should remain fully clothed in their facebook photos regardless of circumstances.

And so it begins…

Hubbin and the MIL had a shouting match followed by a serious discussion tonight. About her wanting to move back to her house and him trying numerous ways to explain that it’s not safe and she’s not thinking right.

Today I spent an hour or two avoiding the situation and ‘going out for coffee’ then when I got home she and I set off on what would become an hour long odyssey to sign her up for the senior citizens taxi service. After she wrote down the address wrong TWICE leading my GPS to the complete wrong area of town and FOUR phone calls to the moronic woman giving terrible directions we got that squared away. But by the time we arrived I was about over the edge of life.

Then hubbin came home. I know it’s much harder on him than on me. Not only is he dealing with the mother he remembers changing and fear of what will ultimately happen to her, but I know he doesn’t appreciate not feeling like his living room is his own anymore either. She is very sweet and has been cleaning the downstairs and doing the dishes — but things are ending up in strange places already (which is what got her key confiscated not long after we got married, because she would come ‘clean’ and our dustbuster would be MIA til months later when you would find it on a self in the garage behind a bin) Tonight hubbin told her relocating our things was not okay. And told me she’s behaving, “like a cat pissing in the corner, she’s angry to be here so she’s piled all my stuff on the steps and her stuff is strewn all about while she’s ‘cleaning'”

In the past 5 years both my grandmothers succumbed to alzheimers and it’s awful to see it starting again and the effect it has on everyone around it.

Space

Our house is on the market. This is I believe the second week, our house is quite old and resides in an area of all new construction and McMansions, so I anticipate a hard sell.We’re selling our house because my mother in law is going to need to move in with us sometime sooner rather than later. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and lost her license this summer. She already lives alone so this has complicated the mundane tasks of groceries and such. Also she’s a little unsteady and has taken a few falls in the past couple years which have landed her with head injury stays in the hospital.

Right now we have one bathroom. You heard me. And our house is 130 years old which comes with much hiking up and down stairs. Which is a nuisance for us but a bit of a safety issue for her. We have three bedrooms right now, one of which is serving as a bedroom and the other two offices, so having another bedroom would be nice along with most things all on one level. Quite a fantasy world I know.

This past week my MIL had knee surgery, fairly straight forward but she will be 70 next year and is a little unsteady to begin with. She’s been recovering here with us in the living room which was given us a bit of a taste of what it will be like when she moves in for real… Only tonight Hubbin dropped a bomb that he doesn’t think she should move back home because she is unsafe by herself. If she falls or otherwise gets into trouble she’s all alone until someone happens by.

This, I’ll admit, even though I know that she needs to move in with us has thrown me for a bit of a loop. and tonight I feel myself craving SPACE. ALONE. Which is suddenly very hard to come by in our house. When our exchange student lived with us I relished my days off when he was at school just so I had some time alone in my house. While there will be a lot of similarities: ahem, no walking around in my underwear… there will also be differences, she will be here. always. around. no car, no friends picking her up after school to go see a movie Friday night…. I guess I’m just finding myself wishing for some more adjustment time.

 

Things I did during this two week wait…

This wait was complicated by the fact that I’m currently on vacation from work AND school for the first time since August 2009:

1. Cleaned and mopped the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and stair well
2. Spent 4 days laid up with a low grade fever, watching television and whineing about my aching joints considerably
2b. Endlessly googled whether my fever could be a sign of pregnancy rather than illness. ie: just how high should your BBT be to indicate pregnancy
3. Went to visit some friends and ate too much.
4. Took a country drive to visit Hubbin’s old college and walk through the woods
5. Got wings and ate chocolate pie
6. Hit up the block party at my childhood home.
7. Went on a tour of an archeological dig dating back 16,000 years
8. Went to the museum to see the dinosaurs.

And then last today I asked the universe for a sign, because who likes to wait. You know how you pick petals off of flowers to tell if a boy likes you in junior high, kind of like that: I said “universe please send me a sign, so I don’t have to wait til the middle of next week” but then I decided I needed to pick a sign, something that if I saw it I would know that was my sign. I decided if I saw someone with a baby ergo carrier today that would be my sign. I picked that for two reasons, it is something I want someday when I have a baby and two, I wanted to be honest about it and pick a very rare item so I wouldn’t be swaying the odds in my favor. I have to date seen only three in person ever, they are that rare around here, babywearing is not a big trend here at all. So the whole day while we were about I kept my eyes peeled, we didn’t even see too many kids. Then our last stop of the evening a little quaint shopping area we were driving around looking for parking I remember thinking “aww hell it’s almost 9pm I think I’m SOL for the day”

Then lo, what does that person have up there? Are they really wearing that kid on their back? Right as Hubbin turned off the main street I saw the man with an Ergo, galaxy print.
So here’s hoping – I suppose this method was every bit as reliable as flower petals.

Well maybe I am?

We finally had decided over the summer to try to not try. Of course that is terribly hard to not notice now. We were going to, at my urging, wait to officially try next summer. As in try/try. Really just out of convenience because if I got knocked up in oh, say June, then I’d have a baby somewhere around March? Then I’d have 12 weeks off work, followed exactly by Hubbin’s 3 months summer vacation. Presto 6 months free childcare! w00t! Ahhem. However after the summer we’ve both had a little difficulty adjusting back to “trying not to” after throwing caution to the wind all summer. We had one episode that occurred squarely on what I believe was ohhhh probably just the most dangerous day of the whole month. The little built in ovulation predictor on my iphone thinks the most dangerous day was the 29th, but I think with that drastic dip it was probably the 28th… whoops. (PS who really gets a temperature of 96.6… talk about cold blooded!)

At first I was like little freaked about it because Gah! Plans! The plans! But I don’t know… My opinion is starting to turn around a bit. Last night we went to dinner at my parents with Hubbin’s mom too, so our whole immediate family to have dinner and look at my parents pictures from their trip to France. Now my mother in law has been hard up for babies for years. To the point that before he met me she told her old lady friends she didn’t even care if he had an illegitimate baby as long as he came up with some grandbabies. Now we were looking through the France photos and my dad took like 6 pictures of someone else kid on the ferry in Paris! A little kid playing pattycake with her dad, my parents just thought she was so cute. LOL! Hubbin leans over to me and goes “I think maybe they’re ready for grandkids now too”

Then three days ago my mother in law called Hubbin to say that her doctor wants to set up a meeting with him because they’ve now diagnosed her with early onset Alzheimer’s.

😦

So… no time like the present either way I guess? Thoughts?

 

Semi-spontaneous

This week hubbin and I took a semi-spontaneous trip to NYC. My MIL has been wanting to go visit her sister in law (hubbins aunt) who is 80+ and sick with cancer (she actually looked pretty good to me) anyway she lives in Allentown which is about an hour from NYC so we turned it into a mini vacation. My MIL brought another crazy old lady with her for entertainment purposes. So on the full day in NYC we paired off and did our own thing.

After a nice visit with Hubbins aunt (and their 9lb rocket propelled yorkie puppy) we drove into the city and had dinner at one of Hubbins favorites: Bennys Burritos. Then had dessert at Planet Hollywood in times square. We spent sometime at toys r us where Hubbin lusted over the enormous transformers statue and pointed out all the toys he wanted to buy for himself our someday child. (we used no birth control this summer with no results, but that will be another post)

We all stayed at a nice hotel near Newark airport because it was, ohh about $100 cheaper.

On our full day the old ladies went to Coney Island and filled themselves with junk and remembered the good old days. Hubbin and I drove to long island where he showed me the school he used to teach at and the little house where he rented a room. Then hubbin was able to get ahold of some of his friends he used to hang out with all the time and we went to their house on the north shore near oyster bay (I had never been to long island before and that area was beautiful!!!) we sat on their back patio sipping iced tea and they reminiced. Hubbin loves their dog and still talks about her frequently even though he hasn’t seen her in 5years. The family’s daughter was walking up the street with the dog when we got out of the car and I would swear to you thr dog recognized Hubbbin even after not seeing him for 5 years, ran straight to him all excited with copious dog kisses.

After their house we drove to Panna II on the lower east side. A little Indian restaurant filled with Christmas lights. We had been for lunch once before but it was much more clostraphobic feeling when it was packed for dinner. After dinner we decided to walk from there to times square. It was a long walk but we seem to walk a lot on vacations. About 6 blocks into our walk the weather apocolypse broke out with tons of thunder and lightening and strong wind (I saw later on the news that there were 80mph gusts in central park that knocked down trees.)

we of course had no umbrellas and I was wearing flipflops. I felt like I was walking bare feet on a slip n slide. We caught a cab to times square and took shelter in hard rock with all the other tourists until the rain stopped. After that we did walk all the way from 42nd to 7th. I’m estimating we walked about 54 blocks that day!

It was a nice spontaneous vacation, I wasn’t really excited to go because I have so much to finish at home before school starts Tuesday. :(. I’m back to work tonight– well last night and the next two nights, and Hubbin is back to work today. So our summer is offically over now.

Ashes to Ashes

I just found this in my little folder for potential posts from, ahem, my trip to visit my great aunt in January. -I tried to tell you, school is destroying my brain- She was telling us about after her husband died (probably almost 30 years ago now since she’s 96 this year) she’s blind and weighs about 90lbs but her mind is amazingly sharp. Her husband, Higgy, wanted to be cremated, so she did, but I guess he wasn’t real specific about where he wanted his ashes so she decided she would put a little of them everywhere he loved.

So she was telling us how she sprinkled them around their church in Florida, at their cabin in Pennsylvania, his childhood home in Ohio, San Francisco, and then at the beach and a little here and there on every vacation she took after he died.

Anyway then she started telling us how people thought she was just a liiittle bit crazy for taking the ashes everywhere. Then she told us my grandma (who died at 91 in 2005 and had a wicked sense of humor) said to her: “Well I guess when it comes time for the resurrection Higgy’s going to have a heck of a time finding himself!”

Indecision

I’ve been doing lots of thinking. I know I’ve mentioned that I’m currently in an RN-BSN program and on track to roll that over into an MSN program to be a Nurse Practitioner in a few years… I’m pretty sure I’ve also mentioned that my mother is bribing me to apply to an anesthesia school of nursing (her profession) by paying my application fee. I’m also pretty sure I’ve mentioned that they get, oh, 600+ applicants for 25 or so spots. So I’m not exactly holding my breath about getting in, nor am I putting anything on hold for the nurse practitioner program, because I’m kind of just assuming I’m not going to get in. In the past 6 months or so Hubbin and I have been seriously discussing trying for a baby this summer. I’m starting to get to the point that I just want one. And thinking about it all the time. I’m sure it’s more logical and everything for me to wait a few years to finish school first… but it’s just that I want one. I’m starting to be attracted to all things baby. It used to be maybe once a month I’d be drooling over other peoples babies, but now I’m thinking about one on an almost daily basis.

It’s still a debate in our house whether we’ll have 1 or 2 children, Hubbin and I are both only children (he wants 1, I want 2), but there’s part of me that wants one now… to give me more time to think about a 2nd later… and I’m a little worried that if I wait till I’m 32ish and totally done with school for the 1st I won’t have enough time to fully consider a 2nd.

I didn’t realize how much I was looking forward to trying this summer until we had a serious discussion about waiting to see if I got into anesthesia school before we tried. Because Hubbin fully believes I’ll get in. I’m working on my application now, but I still might not find out one way or the other until next winter, to start in the fall of 2010… and I was a little disappointed thinking about it. I had an afternoon off this week after my yearly gyne appointment, where we briefly talked about “maybe” and I spent a good hour in Babies R Us just wandering around thinking about it. My friend is having a baby in April and her shower is in two weeks so I went looking for a gift off her registry, but ended up just wandering around thinking… “baby, no baby, baby, no baby”, for not even kidding, an hour and a half.

Part of the issue is this nurse practitioner program I’m in is part time, and at least until the end of the program is only one day a week… which isn’t too bad… Three days a week in the ER, and one at school… and while I’d prefer to be done with school before having a baby so far this program doesn’t seem overwhelming enough to completely talk me out of waiting till I’m done. The anesthesia program however, would be extremely time intensive for about 2.5 years. …so that if by some long shot I got into that program… I guess truthfully I’d rather not have a newborn at home to be worrying about or feel like I’m neglecting.

Sometimes I wish Hubbin and I were both just content to not have extra money. We’re doing just fine, but we both want me back in school so in the long run I’ll have a much better income potential, but sometimes I wish we didn’t care about having extra money to do fun things or buy nice things…

Lots of pros and cons and unknowns to all of it. And sometimes I just can’t help it, rational or not, I want a baby right now.

Christmas this Year

I’m feeling almost entirely unmotivated this year. I lost the yearly battle to host Christmas at my house (I don’t honestly care too much yet…) We went all out with the decorating last year and then while Hubbin and I were cleaning up I distinctly remember having the conversation of “Why did we DO this to ourselves? Do you really care if the house is decorated? No… do you? No” and we decided that we wouldn’t again decorate all over until we have kids. (or are hosting Christmas) So this right here is the extent of my decorating this year: 

I do keep meaning to drag the tree upstairs, but no one seems interested in helping me (Hubbin or Stu) so why should it be all my responsibility?

The wreath was my 10 minute craft project the other day, I got a prelit wreath from JoAnn fabrics that has battery powered LED lights and I decorated it. I love the battery powered lights! I wish I could have found just a box of the white ones not attached to anything (they only seemed to have the colored in stock) because my mother-in-law gave us this sled (decoration) with greens and ice skates on it, but it has to be plugged in outside…. and they’re not outdoor lights so they make me a little nervous, being as our house is 130 years old and constructed entirely of wood (and the new styrofoam insulation).

I’m just not really into Christmas this year, and I guess it’s a personal issue. I went through the Anti-Santa phase where Christmas was all about religion for me and then I’ve kind of slowly drifted away from the religious aspects (of everything) and there’s part of me that feels like I’ve ruined Christmas a little bit by doing that… because what’s left?Christmas minus Commercialism and minus Religious significance leaves very little Christmas. Hubbin is pretty Anti-Religion so he prefers the whole secular-gift-exchange concept, but I just generally feel like all the emotion has been sucked right out of the holiday for me.

Sorry I’m only able to provide a picture of a picture at this time but we took Princess Tegu to Petco over the weekend to sit on Santa’s lap. We were at Petco a few weeks ago buying groceries and they handed us a flyer that offered photos of your pet on Santa’s lap. I immediately got this gleam in my eye because now we’ve got quite a track record of Tegu Christmas photos (Year 1: Tegu in a Santa Hat, Year 2 Tegu in a sweatervest with scarf by the fireplace) Hubbin wanted to take pictures of her in a sleigh and then photoshop multiple pictures of our geckos in as pulling the sleigh. I strongly feel as though photoshop in the Christmas Card arena is totally cheating. We weren’t sure if it was “legal” to take a lizard to get her photo with Santa but it didn’t specify cats and dogs only. I think the staff actually had a good time with it (and she was WAY more behaved than the golden retriever before her that seriously needed some ativan) They all took turns petting her and asked lots of questions and she didn’t even squirm too much for Santa. What a good girl!