37!

I recently finished the sweater I started for her before we knew it was a her. A fancy yarn store was going out of business so my mom and I went and scooped up some not nearly discounted enough fancy yarns to make baby things with. We tried to stick with gender neutral stuff since my ultrasound wasn’t for another month and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out anyway. I took the materials with me and started the sweater on the plane ride down to Mexico and got ALMOST to dividing for sleeves when on the way home Mexican customs confiscated my needles before letting me board the plane. Pregnancy hormones plus hours of work lost plus having to very first thing you’ve made for your baby ruined by a stranger in the airport led to me crying uncontrollably in the Mexican airport.

I did however restart it, and finally finished it and sewed buttons on a few weeks ago. I also sewed buttons and weaved in ends on all the other little things I’ve been saving in my closet. But here is her going home outfit (I hope it fits):

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The baby shower was great and I’m more than half done with my thank you notes. My parents are coming over today with two essential but not cute baby purchases (mattress and changing pad) so I think we might be as ready as well ever be.

Also this week they came by for our ‘orientation’ to the cloth diaper service. I signed us up for a 4 week trial and well see how it goes. I was very intimidated by the laundry aspect with both of us working full time plus a moderately insane grandmother in the house who fixates on things like laundry. After lots of reading it seems like if you don’t take care with how you wash the cloth diapers its easy to ruin them, since she’s ruined >20 of Hubbins dress shirts and sweaters by running them through the dryer we can safely say we can’t expect her to listen to washing instructions like special detergent, or line dry. …. Also the fact that I’m sure she’s going to want to “help” and won’t be able to safely do much with a newborn without supervision I suspected we would create a perfect storm. Anyway, much to my surprise I was able to find a diaper service that covers our address for $25/week…. Which doesn’t seem to bad to me? That includes all supplies along with laundering pick up and delivery. Plus better for the environment? So well see how it goes. I got cases of diapers at the baby shower so one way or another we will get by. (Good thing my cousin is still due in August so I’ve got a default disposable diaper hand off for anything the baby outgrows before we use it)

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I think we’re ready. I hope were ready. The other excellent news is now that we’ve made it to the 9th not only is she full term but I’m taking 12 weeks leave and Hubbins last day of teaching for the year is less than 12 weeks away! So we should be fairly solid with child care until August! Wheeeee!

In less exciting news I have a cold and a low fever for the last two days (99.6) that’s two colds this winter! Geez, pregnancy really does sap your immune strength cause I think it’s been a few years since I’ve even gotten so much as a cold and I work in an ER!

35w1d

5 weeks has never seemed so long and so short at the same time…

So long in that I’m ready to be done, there. I said it. My pelvis, hips and SI joints ache constantly, sometimes downright painful if I’ve been doing more walking that day. Not like for exercise, but I mean a trip to the grocery store, target, or Costco can leave me weepy. I did get an SI-band that rather than a maternity support belt which supports your belly and back is a less flexible strap that sits down over your pelvis/hip area. It helps. Minimally. But over the last week I get the distinct impression her head is now too far down in my belly and does not like being squished. The belt (which is very adjustable) can no longer be worn tight enough to help my bony pain without feeling like its putting way more than a comfortable amount of pressure on my belly. 12 hour shifts at work now promise to be awesome. Yes. Yes, I really care about your your cold now patient, do you believe me? My hips and pelvis now crack when I walk up stairs or flip over at night. So yes, I’m ready to be done. Not to mention all whining aside, what does she look like?! I can’t wait to hold her! I can’t wait to carry her around in the baby wearing equipment I got. I can’t wait to nibble her little feet, and cheeks, and bum! (And if you think I’m desperate to meet her you should see her father who is so used impulse shopping I’m pretty sure he’s never had to wait for 9 months for anything in his life! …. Ie: he’s the kind of person who buys you a Christmas present then wants to give it to you a week before Christmas because he’s so excited about it) this week also begins my weekly doctors appointment so it’s starting to seem more real. And this week Hubbin was, ahem, ill, so he could come with me and the doctor gave us instructions about when to go to the hospital *eeep!*

So short in that, um no. Technically I’m totally not ready for her. Somewhat in my defense my baby shower isn’t until next weekend so I’ve tried to totally quit buying things in the event someone may gift them to us. So, the furniture is all built. And all the clothes are washed and folded. But we don’t have a crib mattress, or sheets, or anything else. I did get a gigantic pack of wipes and diapers, so I guess that’s mostly what you need… And we do have a carseat, so they’d let us bring her home. I’ve had calling the diaper service on my to do list for weeks too. Maybe ill do that this week?

And um. No. We haven’t decided on a name either. *for shame*

Despite all the not readiness I still kind of hope she’s a bit early cause I’m just so desperate to meet her.

31w2d – que excitement

31 weeks seems like such a huge number! We’re getting pretty disgustingly excited.

On Christmas my family started a pool guessing what day she’ll arrive. Only one person guessed after my due date so, if I’m late I think I’ll have a hard time dealing with it since everyone is convinced she’ll be early.

A few weeks ago I made our baby registry. Which was fairly overwhelming. I left Hubbin at home because he thinks babies shouldn’t need anything and I knew if I took him with me I would leave the store with NOTHING on the registry.

A biiiiig package arrived today. Que my excitement!!! (I bought this, it was not a gift)

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I put it together straight away (probably in less than 30 minutes with no special tools, I was surprised how easy it was) and I’m quite pleased. Excuse my pajamas in the last shot. And yes it was 2pm, don’t judge me.

We’re slowly gathering baby related equipment, my shower isn’t until the beginning of March so I’m trying to slow down with my desire to have *everything* *now*. Hubbin has finished building the dresser but that’s it. The wardrobe is still in boxes and I did finally order a crib. Which was somewhat scary for me…. I put it off for a long time.

The sensation of feeling like I need to get thing set up and ready is starting to creep in. Which is vying with my other emotions where I’m still hesitant on some things like “is it too early to buy a carseat at 30 weeks”. “Am I going to jinx myself”. I guess, crib and carseat are distinctly “big baby items” which might be why we started backwards with buying a dresser and a closet for her… ???

My baby shower will be the beginning of March everyone so far has said “wow that’s really cutting it close isn’t it?” Maybe I’m still a little nervous deep down?

Hubbin recently rented the odd life of Timothy green for us to watch this weekend. Which, I had NO IDEA what that movie was about. I cried like the whole first 30-45 minutes and the whole last 30 minutes. Hubbin thought it was ultimately a happy movie… It just brought up so many emotions. Thank god I didn’t go see that in the movie theaters. I was so relieved that I could feel her wiggling during the movie. And then I had all kinds of guilt emotions cause I was pregnant too. I spend extra time talking to my belly before bed telling her that even though I moan and grunt I’m still very thankful she’s taking up all that room in there. I also had to spend time reassuring myself that even though I went through infertility it doesn’t mean I have to LIKE things like puking and heart burn and back pain, that that doesn’t make me ungrateful or a bad person.

And on that note… My cousin is pregnant again, who if you’ll recall got pregnant in the spring right before her wedding and I cried in the grocery store after I got off the phone with her when she told me because my third IUI had failed. Then consequently felt super guilty when she had a miscarriage. She had a second miscarriage in the fall but is now pregnant again. I’m hoping this one sticks around, I suspect it will since she had to go to te ER for fluids and nausea meds but she hasn’t made it past the point if the first pregnancy so were all kind of holding our breath right now….

Betas

7/21 = 214
7/23 = 440

Perfect! I couldn’t have asked for better numbers! Our ultrasound is booked for the 8th. They wanted the 2nd but I’m working every available day til the 8th. I was pretty bummed. And doubly bummed since I was to have ultrasounds at 6&8 weeks before they release me but she said “well at 7 weeks if it looks good we can release you then” I was looking forward to two peaks in there :-/

7/17/12

So I interrupt my regularly scheduled dull drum to let you know about a VERY exciting development. Following a 12 hour shift on 10 days past IUI #5 I lost my resolve to wait until my first morning pee the next day and tested.

The pink color scrolled right by the test line and filled up the control line and I was grouchy. Then I started brushing my teeth to get ready for bed and looked over… And lo… Something I’d never ever seen before was looking at me… A second line. I’m attaching the first original picture. My honest response (since I was home alone at the time) was to keep walking over and looking at it and saying aloud to myself “that’s not a joke?” “that’s not a joke”

I’ve of course gone through handfuls of my cheapie tests since then usually more than one a day. You know. Just to check.

I called the clinic 13dpiui just to be like “umm, I know I’m calling a day early but I’ve been getting positives at home for a few days now” so they brought me in the next morning for bloodwork.

I asked the lady drawing my blood yesterday “so when they call me with the number is that when they schedule me for Monday?” and she said “Why? Did you take a home test” I said “umm, more than I care to admit” she laughed and said “yeah that’s when they schedule you, don’t worry I won’t ask how many you took”. I said “good cause I honestly couldn’t tell you”

My first beta came back at 214!!! I feel like that’s a solid start. I keep having occassional cramping or sharp pains and expecting my period to start but no spotting so far… I go in Monday morning for a repeat and if it’s up by >60% I go in for an ultrasound at 6 & 8 weeks before they release me to my OB doctor.

So. We’re SUPER excited. I get a little nervous every time I get a cramp and I’m somewhat holding my breath til they call me with a number Monday afternoon.20120722-162620.jpg

IUI #1

Well it has been a whirlwind few days around here. I called on the first day of my cycle this time to let them know we were going to go ahead and do the unmedicated IUI and then I proceeded to wait – and wait- now since I’m on this special weekend program at work our schedules are a bit opposite from everyone else’s. If I had a positive OPK on a Friday or Saturday we would essentially need to call off the whole thing because I’m scheduled to work (at least in December) every Saturday and Sunday from 7am-730pm and the clinic is only open starting at 7am. I’m sure other people are like “Sweet! A weekend IUI! no one has to call off work” Hubbin is a teacher and has a slew of sick days but I’m only allowed 2 in a rolling 12 months or I get kicked off steady weekends. Which, this Spring semester when I’ve got 200 clinical hours to complete during the semester on M-F shifts only could mean the difference between me graduating in May or not.

ANYWAY, Back to the story…

So I could tell it was going to be close, Monday was going to be CD 14 and I usually don’t ovulate before then (I tend more towards CD 16) but just two months ago I got a positive stick on day 12 so I was nervous. Because of course I was. Because my neck and shoulder muscles are so permanently tight these days I could probably bench press 250lbs with just my shoulders. So my stick was negative on Friday and I was so excited, “SWEET just one more negative and I’m golden!” And then if I’m CD 16 next cycle too, it will be after the new years and we can squeeze in one more IUI before my spring semester starts (and if that one worked I’d be due on Hubbin’s birthday) – and it’s anxiety ridden thought trains like this that have been fueling my migraines and tension headaches for weeks now I’m sure!

But then something terrible happened, I tested saturday morning bright and early before work and I was greeted by a clear blue easy smiley face. Which should have been a frowny face, or at least an evil face. Because that meant I’d be working a 12 hour shift on Sunday starting at 7am rather than getting an IUI. And it meant next cycle would be during the week between Christmas and New Years when we’ll be away, and then the next cycle wouldn’t be until after my spring semester started and I’m back to working 5+days each week. I was dismal. Grouchy. Depressed. And off to work. Where my one friend was all excited because her aflac has kicked in and they can start trying for their second baby. And I was just dark clouds in my head. I sent Hubbin pouty text messages.

But then something amazing happened. My one friend, the same one who had added to my internal rain storm, said aloud at approximately 4pm “*sigh* I wish I was working at 7am tomorrow instead of 11am”…. my little hamster began turning and I looked at her *blink blink blink* and she said “Do you think if I call so-and-so at home they’d trade with me” She was scheduled to be working til 1130pm tonight and actually WANTED to come back for the 7am shift? This couldn’t be happening?! I might have jumped on her and said “I’LL TRADE WITH YOU!” “seriously?” “seriously” “wow, you even seem a little excited about this” ahem. Just a little. But then of course the out of control worry train started up again “What if Hubbin doesn’t want to now that I said we had to call it off? I was supposed to call by 7am to schedule the IUI for tomorrow, what if they can’t squeeze us in, what if whoever does the transfers doesn’t even come into work if there’s none on the schedule?” *panic panic panic* So I called Hubbin, he was totally on board, I fretted to him on the phone (he’s never particularly receptive to fretting so doesn’t really work as an outlet or a reassurance) I then called the clinic – who were of course no longer in the office.

We decided on a plan of action: I would get up at 640am and call the clinic at 645am when they start taking calls to see if they could squeeze us in. If they could I would then roll Hubbin out of bed and send him off to – well, you know – then, as long as my appointment would be by 10am I could still be to work at 11am, it’s really probably <10 miles from work and should take <30min to drive.

I then tried to remain calm. And not get my hopes up. I drove the whole way home after work begging aloud in the car “pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease” the whole way. Then I tried to sleep. Somewhat less than successful. And I woke up approximately 35times during the night.

I called at 645am and at the answering person, who after I pleaded my case, was like “hmmm, I don’t know if they can even do that, let me connect you to scheduling” who, after I pleaded my case again said “sure, that shouldn’t be a problem.” She said “We’ll have a room for him at 8am, and then you can come at 10am” I said “and how long does this take?” and she said “well the IUI will be 5 minutes, then you’ll need to lay down for 10-15” and I said “So I should be done by 1030?” and she said “oh definitely”

I woke Hubbin and told him and he got up at 720 – then I got up (again) at 9 and was at the clinic at about 955.

Then I waited, and waited, and waited. And when I was still in the waiting room at 1015am I was internally screaming profanities and flipping out about whether I could even stay or not! At 1030 my level of panic was FULL BLOWN and I was *thisclose* to walking up to the desk and being like “seriously, I need to be at work in 30 minutes, do you know what time this will actually happen because I cannot stay much longer”

They called me back at 1035. Had me verify everything.

Post wash counts = 3.1 million, 89% motility

Which seems low to me but she said was fine. (I’m pretty sure his original SA had like 116mil so I was hoping for something similar – Hubbin assures me the rest were “just sleeping” since I got them up so early) It was done by someone who was not the doctor. Hubbin is referring to it as our first 3 *some. And was pretty quick, but was not done until 1045 at which point there was no possibility of me being on time for work, and it’s probably been more than a year since I was late so I tried to just relax about it. (relaxing = not my strong suit). It was crampy – but when they do stuff like this it’s a different kind of crampy, in a way that makes it feel like the bottom is falling out from under you, which is I supposed a vagal reaction that is not very pleasant. Anyway. Done. They’re in there. All 3.1 million chances for the month. I was glad I had the foresight to put a pad on before I left because I did have some cramping and spotting the rest of the day, which may or may not have been on the waiver I sign but since I was so preoccupied about being late I didn’t take the time to study it.

I only laid down for 10 minutes, which I would have preferred to wait longer but it was 1055…. And I was due at work at 11. GAHHH. I was signing out of the office and she was like “oh! wait! We need to draw some bloodwork to check your virals” I said “Seriously? I have to be at work at 11, I REALLY can’t”. – –and You could have been doing that while I was waiting in your waiting room for 45 minutes- So they said they’d get me at a follow up.

I called the charge nurse on my way to work and was like “well, It appears certain now that I will be late, but fear not, I am on my way, I’m on the highway” — of course there was a stupid home football game so the drive that should have taken 15 minutes took 30 and I got to work at 1130.