15w4d Update

A lot has happened since the last post. Everything is ultimately going well but we had a verrrrrrry stressful two weeks. The NT test results and most of the first trimester screening were good but I got an unexpected phone call from my doctors office about mid 12 weeks which I thought was going to be about my thyroid levels but turned out to be a positive cystic fibrosis screening.

Que Panic Attacks.

So because of the infertility stuff I had really not let myself get attached or accepted this was happening, or really told anyone. I was kind of trying to shut it all out until after the 12 weeks screening stuff at least and I had a few days following the scan to start finally letting myself be happy and excited and then the test came back positive and I felt like it was all destroyed again. I got the phone call at work which was really rough making it through the rest of my shift.

Hubbin went down that same day to have his blood drawn and then it took 1.5 weeks to finally get his results back, which were negative, thank god. But it was 1.5 weeks of total freak out.

Since then I’ve been doing a bit better, I’m still struggling a lot more than I expected to getting over all of my infertility emotions? Which I wasn’t really expecting. I expected to just move on, and be happy, and excited. I’m not sure when it will seem real.

I finally told my boss, which was terrifying. He’s really a great boss and nice… but he’s stoic and quiet and I honestly felt like I was 15 year old telling my dad I was pregnant… complete with fumbling for the door knob on the way out of his office. I’ve told a handful of other people since then, and I think the rumor might slowly be spreading around work. Its not that I don’t want people to know, I mean… I think in another week it’s going to be super obvious because I’m slowly bridging the gap right now between out-of-control-muffin-top vs pregnant bump. (I think I’m still kind of semi-sucking it in most of the time, but I’m not able to do that as well as before) I don’t think it’s crazy obvious most of the time, but I think it’s close. I just feel weird telling people? I’m a fairly private person to begin with, but I also just feel weird sharing unsolicited information? The secretary came up yesterday and asked me “are you pregnant?.. because I heard, but wasn’t sure” and I said yes and she said “but it seems like not everyone knows? Did you tell everyone?” … not really… I mean, do people do that? just randomly announce in the middle of  their department that they’re pregnant? Like “good morning SSFB how are you?” “Great, I’m pregnant!” ???? It just seems weird to me. Although I’m sure it’s because I’ve only really known most of these people since July so it’s not like we know each other all very well anyway? At least that’s how I feel about it. I did tell all the people I know who came from the same hospital I used to work at.

My plan is to tell my old coworkers at a party we’re having on the 24th of this month… to tell my highschool friends at a wedding we’re all going to at the beginning of November. And to tell the rest of my extended family at my uncles wedding at the end of October. But then I wonder if I’m being the weird one, like “Hiiiii, oh this? this is my 19 week pregnant belly!” which I guess is a little more backwards than most people about pregnancy.

Unlike Hubbin who is the total polar opposite and has told everyone he’s encountered from car salesmen to cashiers since like JULY when the baby was nothing more than a second line on a pee stick.

Maybe I need therapy! ha!

Everything is going well though. I’m struggling with current symptoms of constipation (OMG, this has NEVER been an issue for me before and I have no idea how to handle it) headaches and nausea. I totally bought the rumor nausea would be gone by now. They finally gave me some zofran at my 13 week appointment so I’m doing MUCH better. I weighed myself at work this week and I weighed 132. I was about 130 when I got pregnant but have kind of been fluctuating between 130-135 for the last year. I was pretty sure I had gained way more because my pants were totally not fitting but I didn’t really have a”belly” yet and plus all the trackers were like “baby is the size of a plum!” “baby is the size of an orange!” but I’m apparently pretty on track. Which is good because I haven’t been doing any better working out whatsoever.

I’m going to sign off for now and get back to cleaning my office and trying to relocate all my worldly possessions to make room for a baby.