Overwhelmed… and rambling

Now I’m completely overwhelmed. Again. I just got finished at an open house for the grad school programs I’m interested in. Good god, what am I thinking? Soooo many credits, so much time and money. I’m starting to have a panic attack just thinking about it. What’s more, I get in a panic at the thought of having to keep up this work/school pace for another 5-6 years! help! I can’t do it! But I want to be finished sooner rather than later, so it’s a total Catch-22. From the sounds of things I have to get my BSN. Period. I don’t want to, but they’re going to make me. Fortunately I got to sit at a table with the undergraduate advisor of nursing and she was willing to answer every single one of my questions about the RN-MSN program. So the bad news is that I have to get the BSN, the good news is I can start as early as this summer on the course work…. which I totally don’t want to do! …but should.

That and when I sat in at the table of people applying to anesthesia school, it was frightening. I think that may be just a shade out of my league. They sounded an awful lot like they were applying to med school, I just didn’t have my act together enough in college to still be in competition with people like that… but my regrets from college are a whole other post topic waiting to happen. When people start making references to a 3.5 GPA as “low” I get a little creeped out.ย  So as much as I hate to admit it, I think my mother may be right about it being too much. I mean I’ll just come right out and tell you if I got a 3.6 GPA in undergrad I’d already be applying to medschool, F- nursing school.

Now as far as the new job goes: I spent the entire day in orientation. Enlightening. I listened to hours upon hours of PR schpiel about patient satisfaction then I took a tour of the hospital I’ve worked at for 3 years – THAT’S how enlightening my day was. Tomorrow is the actual orientation for my patient care job, so hopefully that will be a bit more exciting, followed by the orientation to their computer documentation system (I’m not holding my breath for any spine tingling excitement for that one either). I am, however, very much looking forward to Thursday (with a little nervous anticipation) because Thursday is my phlebotomy class! Yay!

I tend to be a tenative pessimist by nature. I tend to try and self-talk myself so that I’m not disappointed by experiences (ie: I’m a negative thinker) so I really hope I’m not building myself up with too much excitement about my new job because I’ve totally not tried to talk myself down from any excitement. I’m just worried I’m going to be really disappointed and the exciting-newness will wear off in a month and then I’ll be like “ehh this sucks too”…

It’s so hard to know having ONLY ever done med-surg rotations (which I’m not keen on, I’ll just admit it)… aside from the random little three week rotations we have in areas like peds and mental health to know what kind of nursing I’m interested in. They say the point of our nursing program is to prepare us to all be good med-surg nurses. But what if I don’t like med-surg? What if I don’t want to be a med-surg nurse? The first question all these grad schools or future employers ask you is what kind of nursing your interested in… well how am I supposed to know if I’ve only ever seen med-surg? So I think I might like the Emergency Department…. but having zero experience doing really anything except passing pills and rolling patients over in bed it’s kind of hard to say.

I think the ED could be a good match for me, long term wise. I hope it is. That’s why I’ve been so excited about the new job. (and can I add as a side note that I’m making a conscientious effort to actually call it the emergency department and ED… I want to call it the ER in the worst way because everytime I say ED I think of Cialis commercials) When I think about aspects of jobs that would appeal to me I think the ED fits a lot of them. A lot of the same reasons I was first interested in research really. My perception of the ED is that it’s a place to work that won’t be like an assembly line job. Like when I think labor and delivery or post-partum (the only other rotation I really liked) it seemed very much like “and here’s another baby. and here’s another baby. and HERE’s another baby”… I want to get to see and do different things on a daily basis. Not to mention, that blood and guts stuff? That’s always appealed to me. My absolute favorite show when I was little? Rescue 911. I kid you not, I’m looking online now, that show started when I was 8 and I watched religiously. My mom actually brought that up the other day when I stopped up to the OR to see her. She was telling her friend about my new job in the ED saying: “well I guess it makes sense, I’ve never seen a little kid in love with shows like that before”.

Anyway, I’m still glad I took the job, even though trying to figure out when I’m going to squeeze things like studying and sleep in between 60 hours of work and school sends me into panic attacks. I think it was the right decision to make even though my life will absolutely totally blow until May… or maybe more…


2 thoughts on “Overwhelmed… and rambling

  1. I know how you feel. Grad school is making me nervous, too. My 3.64 GPA looks like I’ve been sitting in fields of daisies throughout college. Pretty much all the people in my program have a 3.8 or higher. I got in on my good looks. jk ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. I just got caught up!! GOOD GRACIOUS, GIRL! You’ve got to be just going crazy. I read the whole incident with… CCW? What a mess. I’d be flippin’ angry, too–you’re justified. There’s nothing worse than having something ruined because of somebody else… especially after trusting him to do his job!!!


    And a BSN is good for you. ha ha ha. My sister-in-law just finished hers six months ago and passed her big honkin’ test and is now practicing in a Las Vegas peds unit. She LOVES it. Just think down the road that this will be you. ๐Ÿ™‚ Unless you want to test monkey vagina forever (oh wait, what are you doing at your new job? Probably not monkey vagina…)

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